by Doug McNeel
Got a dog named Snuffy, smart as a man.
He loves corn flakes, sausage and honey baked ham.
He doesn’t cost a dime. He takes care of himself.
He’s a professional thief and a collector of wealth.
He keeps all of his possessions in our front yard.
He’s got a driver’s license and a library card,
A pink flamingo, a ceramic raccoon,
A toy bulldozer and some birthday balloons.
He’s an old labrador with an attitude,
Perpetually in a retrieving mood.
There’s always something interesting in his mouth.
Honey, look what he’s brought home now.
From computer components to a stuffed kangaroo,
Pink lingerie and a didgeridoo,
A chicken gizzard and a fresh dead crow,
This dog’s got it all and he won’t let it go.
He’s got a bag full of burgers and an order of fries,
Vanilla milk shake and three cherry pies.
He’ll top it off with a sweet Krispy Kreme,
It’s the great Labradorean American Dream.
The neighbors are complaining about Snuffy’s stash.
They say it’s a nuisance and call me white trash.
Since we’re just a half a mile from the Arkansas line,
Snuffy’s interstate smuggling is a federal crime.
The Department of Health and the local prosecutor
And the FBI all want to have me neutered.
Yeah, they’re doing their best to drag me off to jail,
But I’m counting on Snuffy to raise my bail.
"Labrador" © 2009 McNeel Music, L.L.C.